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"I went to Las Vegas last weekend just for
laughs."
"Good for you! It's better not to take gambling
too seriously".
"Right,...in one day I laughed away my
car!" |
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"Maybe it's because I'm getting older but I have
a lot of trouble remembering peoples names."
"I know what you mean! I used to have the same
trouble until I took one of those Sam Carnegie courses." |
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"Someone stole my wife's credit cards last
month."
"Last month? Did you report them stolen?"
"No, I was going to but the thief is spending
less than my wife did!" |
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" I have decided to stop trying to get ahead at
work."
"Is that right?"
"Yeah, from now on I'm going to concentrate on
slowing the rate at which I'm falling behind!" |
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"My boss called me in last week and
said he had decided to mix a little business with pleasure".
"Great idea !"
" Oh Yeah?..... He fired me
!" |
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"My wife was not talking to me this
morning
and I was in no mood to interrupt
her!" |
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"I never forget my wife's birthday."
"That's amazing. How do you do that?"
"Simple, it always falls on the day after the
day she reminds me." |
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"Hey Joe, since I'm getting married next week,
do you have any words of advise for me?"
"Yes, get married very early in the morning.
That way, if it doesn't work out, you haven't wasted a whole
day!" |
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" My marriage is a continuous process of getting
used to things I hadn't expected." |
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"Does your wife miss you much?"
"No, she throws remarkably straight for a
woman." |
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"..I like to go fishing because it gives me
something to do while I'm not doing anything." |
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"I told the doctor that I was afraid that I was
going to die. He said that's the last thing you will do."
"You must be relieved."
"You bet!" |
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".... How did you like Venice? !" "Oh, I only
stayed a few days. The whole place was flooded." |
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" How did your accident happen?"
"My wife
fell asleep in the back seat of the car." |
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" What makes you think they are
engaged?"
" Well, the last time I checked she had a ring
and he was broke." |
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".... then, she wanted to run
her fingers through my hair. Danged if I could figure out where I put it
!" |
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"...I finally
figured out why George Washington stood up in that boat. Every time he sat down
someone must have tried to hand him an oar." |
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"You know, there is absolutely
nothing new in the newspaper anymore. It's just the same stuff only happening
to different people !" |
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